i had an epidural -- it was awesome.

i never expected to second guess the way i brought my baby into this world -- especially since it was exactly how i'd plan to give birth.

let's back up.

when i found out i was pregnant it was... quite a surprise. a happy surprise, but a surprise nonetheless. i had just started a new job, and my husband and i were essentially hopping from one plane to the next seeking as much adventure as possible. having a baby wasn't really something we'd thought much of. we had talked about the idea, we knew we wanted a family, but we weren't sure when.

and suddenly it was happening and i felt excited but also totally unprepared.

i decided early on in my pregnancy, after watching many friends have babies and report back that nothing went how they had originally planned, that i would have a very loose birth plan. my birth plan was this: labor at home, hopefully have an unmedicated birth...or not?, and then have a baby.

i was induced via pitocin at 39 weeks 4 days due to skyrocketing blood pressure (i blame the stress of trying to wrap up work in my last week before maternity leave). i got an epidural, gave birth to an adorable baby,  and then we left the hospital 36 hours after birth because we were all healthy and chugging along.

anti-climatic seems like the wrong word to use to explain birth, but that was sort of my experience in giving birth. nothing unforeseen or major happened to me or my baby. everything sort of just....worked. was i a crying mess the first two weeks due to hormones? absolutely. did i look like i had a boob job you might see on Botched due to my milk arriving with a vengeance? you bet. but it all chilled out after a while, and at my six week postpartum doctor's appointment i was given clearance to run, have sex, and basically return to normal life. which is exactly what i did.

fast forward to 6 months later and i began to really dive into mom life. the newborn fog lifted, i was reading parenting articles, began following moms on instagram, and started making mom friends of my own. i started seeing and feeling underlying tones on how mamas who had 'natural births' seemed to be earning higher badges of honor than moms who brought their child into the world with today's modern medicine. and i thought "wait, what? did i do all that wrong?? i had such a great experience. why do i feel like it doesn't count?"

i remember when i was almost a year postpartum crying to my husband out of frustration over the thoughts i was having that my birth wasn't raw/'natural'/hard enough. i found myself explaining to people who asked about my birth story that yes, i was induced. BUT, i was in my 39th week of pregnancy and 85% effaced and already 4 cm dilated and.....

basically i was trying to justify that my body was ready to go and being induced wasn't that bad. the truth is, yes my body was in a good spot... but i wasn't in labor. so yes, i was induced and labor was kickstarted thanks to my nifty friend named pitocin. and my other very magical friend named epidural made it all a blissful experience. that's what happened. and it was awesome. why do i feel the need to make it all seem more 'natural'?

and just to be safe, let's say it louder for the people in the back: ALL BIRTHS ARE NATURAL. i don't know how many times i have to repeat this. if you choose a home birth or you decided to have a scheduled induction or you have a cesarian birth, i'd like to remind you that bringing a child into the world is always always always natural.

i want to be very careful in my wording here in talking about the different types of births. home births and unmedicated births are beautiful. they truly are. but, for personal reasons, they are not for me. and that is okay! you know what else is beautiful? births via c-section. births with scheduled inductions. my point is this: all births are beautiful. i support all moms and how they decide they want to approach birth.

for a long time i had guilt about being induced. i told myself that i should have received my prenatal appointments from a midwife instead of a OBGYN. i told myself i didn't research enough and could have done a better job of helping set myself up for an unmedicated birth. what i want to stress is that in the weeks and months after august was born i was so happy and relieved and surprised how smooth things were going. i was proud of myself and couldn't believe i was doing it! we were sleep training our baby with great success and he was eating like a champ and caleb and i were not just surviving but also somewhat thriving!

i know a lot of moms who have given birth at home. or a birthing center. or a hospital. or the backseat of their Subaru. or their closet. or even the waiting room of their condo building (watch the hilarious story here). i know moms who wanted to go the unmedicated route, and simply could not due to medical complications. or moms who started out at a birthing center, and ended up in a hospital. i know moms who fully planned on delivering their baby in a hospital with a full medical staff and an epidural and ended up having an unplanned unmedicated birth with no meds.

the fact is this: if we keep up this mentality that the only correct way to have a baby is unmedicated, we are throwing that expectation on top of the already enormous pile of unrealistic expectations that moms face every day.

and let's not forget that a lot of women don't even get to choose how they'd like their birthing experience to go. one of my best friends had a breech baby due to a misshaped uterus and therefore had to have a c-section. another mama friend has a unicornuate uterus and had a c-section -- also due to a breech baby.

now don't get me wrong, i am ALL FOR being as informed as possible. i think mom instinct is very real. you should look up all of your options for anything your doctor or midwife is suggesting in any scenario. in no way am i suggesting that any mom should throw caution to the wind and do whatever a healthcare provider suggests. take all things into consideration when deciding on what works best for you.

what i'm asking, though, is can we all just get onboard that there is no perfect way to bring a baby into the world? because every way is perfect and growing life inside of our bodies is miraculous and we all have the hardest job in the world and we're doing our best to raise kind humans while simultaneously never having a day off.

my birth was completely naturally with the help of pitocin because that's what my body needed and an epidural because that's what i wanted.

now tell me, what type of natural birth did YOU have??