on stay at home parent life

I've been a stay at home parent for almost 17 months. when I had 'officially' quit my job 3 months postpartum, I told myself i'd take 12 months to think about what I wanted to do. to give myself some headspace to reflect and also to learn about how to be a mama. I realize this is a very privileged thing to be able to do. I was grateful that that path was even an option for me.

however, it was not easy. I struggled coming to terms with quitting my job. and I do not think I am alone in this. the unknowns of what being a stay at home parent meant truly drove me into dark places. I am an enneagram type 3 - the achiever. what would I be achieving as a stay at home parent? and more importantly, who would be there to see it?

even so, I knew deep down in my gut that this was what I wanted to do. my husband and I did discuss a handful of times what it would look like to get a nanny -- even doing some research in our city on nannies and figuring out how that would fit into our budget. but at the end of the day we both felt that the best option was for me to stay home to care full time for August. in no way did this make it easy, though. the first 12 months were TOUGH. my whole world slowed waaaay down and in that slowness  I learned a lot about who I was, what I cared about, and I really saw the world in a different light. it was hard and amazing.

I also learned how the world views stay at home moms.

the other day I was at a doctors appt and my healthcare provider looked at my paper work and saw that I had put down my occupation as stay at home parent. when my doctor saw that, they said "oh, wow. stay at home parent? that's crazy! you're probably so excited to have adult interaction today."

ohhh man. yikes....

i stumbled over my response while attempted to hide that all of my insides were cringing and sort of gave a non-answer back to them.

this wasn't the first time someone has thrown out an awkward response about how i don't talk to adults anymore since i stay home with my kiddo. and even though it happens every now and then, it still surprises me just as much as the last time. does the world really think that stay at home parents don't speak with adults?  that we quit our jobs and that is the end of all communication with mankind as we know it? I thought about that comment for weeks after it happened and began to downplay what was said. I gave myself a million reasons as to why they would say something like that and told myself that they were unaware and quite frankly ignorant.

but actually...it's not okay. we live in a world where stay at home parents are constantly feeling like we need to prove that we are worthy, productive, and intelligent human beings. all while receiving comments like "I could never be a stay at home mom" or "I need adult interaction, I'd go crazy staying home with my kid(s)". trying to navigate how to respond to these comments is why I truly loathe having to even answer what I do for work. I find myself feeling the need to justify why I am a stay at home mom and ensuring whoever is asking that it is definitely not long term.

but why can't it be my long term goal? why can't I carve out not just a few years, but entire seasons or decades of my life for my child if that's what I feel is best, and more importantly what I really want to be doing??

and i want to be clear: in no way is this a post to pit stay at home moms and working moms against each other. in fact, over half of my mom friends are working moms. they are super heroes in their own special way. I learn so much from them.

I'm just asking the world to respond differently when a woman says that she is a stay at home mom. and to instead respond with something like: wow that's so cool, tell me about that? how'd you decide to make that career switch? i'm sure like a traditional job it has it's good days and bad days, right? did you always want to be a mom?

is that too much to ask??